Boy...friend?

SO,
i'm the kind of girl that doesn't stand for fake, flimsy, or failing frienships,
and i know it sounds harsh, but i like to cut my losses as soon as possible and move on
life is much to hard without people dragging you down, as bad friends tend to do.
But the friendship that i just recently had to cut out of my life, nearly broke me
He's a sweet great guy, i've searched my whole life for a friendship like this.
We agree on almost nothing at all..and we argue about our beliefs and have discussions that last until dawn.
We have little in common, coming from two completely different backgrounds and worlds.
He is terrific.
But we broke.
You know when a relationship just isn't the way it used to be? that is what happened.
We started talking about nothing, awkward silences ruled our time together, and we started legitimately fighting and getting angry with each other.
He started to ignore my feelings and concerns and i did the same to him.
We just broke.
And i can't fix what's broken because what is broken is that he is in love with me.

Dont get me wrong guys and girls can clearly be friends...all my closest friends are men...(or boys...their maturity level changes hourly)
But when a guy falls in love with you, and you dont return the sentiment...in most cases i have found...it is so over.

He doesn't want to stick around and hear you bemoan your love life or lack thereof....all he wants is to be your love life.
He doesn't want to hear you say anything in fact unless its that you want to be with him

I couldn't give my friend that...so i gave him goodbye.

And now i'm heartbroken and missing him, but knowing that i'm doing the right thing cheers me a little bit.

He's mad as hell at me, and i understand.
I hope he moves on...finds a great girl and marries her asap.
so that i can find him and become his friend again
coz this sucks
so bad

but what can i do...you can't make someone love you or stop loving you
time heals all wounds...even if it leaves a scar

xox
J

COLLEGE

Today was my last day of classes,
My undergraduate career ended today
no more 8 am classes
no more 10 am classes
no more sitting in classes with sunglasses on drinking vitamin C and praying for the lights to stop buzzing...because i drank too much last night

No more dealing with crazy professors that only think they know what they are talking about
No more immature life
its real life now...

I'm going to miss the atmosphere, the intellecutal feel i get from my campus....its like a haven, it brings me serenity to walk through it on a cold winter day or a hot summer day or a cool spring day!

I can hardly believe 4 years have passed...it seems like just yesterday my parents left me in a room with 3 other girls, waiting for our college career to begin. All i remember is that we held on tight and it was a bumpy ride, i've never had so many highs and lows in my life....i'll do a quick recap...just for prudence sake:

Freshman year: Beth, Kendra, Kelsey, hockey, swimming, Chris, minute maid and malibu, lots of laughter, late night talks, midnight movies with my friends, chinese food and sleepless in seattle with the boys...

Sophmore year: RA, no sleep, working all the time, nanny, lifeguard, Front desk, angry, shot gunning a beer in my resident's shower, calling the cops, passing out drunk in the bathroom...first love, bad breakup, new friends, late night talks, loops, Phillip, and Rosalyn, being carried to the car,

Junior year: chilling at home, watching movies every night, grey's anatomy seasons 1,2, and 3....writing papers studying hard, waking up early to swim in the morning, training for triathalons, working at senators office, dating supervisors, Scott and John, late night drinking binges, talks untill midnight

Senior year: study abroad, best time of my life, found my passions, discovered myself, branching out, trying new things, being a better person, a real person, relaxing, deciding what to do with my life, realizing that everything happens for a reason, to be patient, and to take time to know myself

Wow...4 years led me to where i am now....and i can admit it to myself...I love myself and i love my life

I'm so blessed

i never thought i would say this: Thank you college!!!

xox
J